"Only connect..." ~E. M. Forster

So the past 2 weeks I've thought a lot about how I connect with others. At times I have found that I'm not really present when interacting with friends, family, coworkers etc...I find myself going through the motions with my mind in other places, or going down my to do list, or planning my next road trip etc.

As this weighed on my mind more and more I thought about people who have wandered in my life and have wandered out for whatever reason...and I felt this sense of loss. I possibly missed out on my chance to really have a meaningful experience with them.

Which made me think about life..one thing that I feel brings lasting joy in this life is the relationships and connections we make with others. I interact with a ton of different people daily...and granted not all of those interactions will be full of joy and actually some of them might be downright difficult or annoying...but there are a lot that aren't.

Am I even fully present in the moment to determine what kind of experience it is?

There are 100 and 1 small moments that happen throughout my day...

Theres bound to be some joy in a couple of those moments right?

But if I'm future tripping or list checking or off on a beach in my head...I've missed out.

So these last 2 weeks I've really focused on staying present and engaged and ...what do you know...

found me some joy.

I played 31 with a coworker and kicked his trash..I danced and sang with my brothers to some Janet Jackson (I really need to learn the Miss U Much dance routine..that would up my joy exponentially)...had lunch with a wonderful friend...played catch with a great dog...memorized my favorite song and played it on my uke for a friend...played with my beautiful niece...hung out with my family...rocked out to a middle school band with coworkers...talked with different clients...had a ton of great conversations...got some great advice from someone I consider to be a mentor...took a walk with a friend...bowled a 77 and got schooled by some of my amazing staff... and the list goes on and on.

Only connect y'all...that's what its about.

...Are you for real???!!!

I got a call today and here is how the conversation went:
Me: Hello this is Sue...
Caller: I was wondering where you work?
Me: The Homeless Youth Resource Center
Caller: Soooo....are you for real?
Me: Yup pretty much.
Caller: No I mean is this for real?...
Me: Ummm I am not sure what you are referring to..
Caller: There aren't really homeless youth in Utah right? I mean there just can't be, because if there were "we" wouldn't stand for it.
Me: Yes ma'am there are homeless youth in Utah...837 unduplicated clients walked through our doors last year for services and at our half way mark this year our numbers were up 25%
Caller: I just can't believe it!!!...BECAUSE if people knew that this was happening in Utah "we" would do something about it!!
Me: You would think right?
Caller: WELL HAVE YOU TOLD ANYONE ABOUT THIS??!!!! This just isn't right!!!...people would help if they knew!!!! people would give money...people need to know so they can help get these kids off the street!!!
Me: I agree..
Caller: WELL WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT THIS IS HAPPENING??!!THIS IS ALL OF OUR PROBLEM!!PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW!!!!!

So the conversation continued on. The lady that called me was upset and shocked that there were homeless youth in Utah...she initially was looking online for ways she could help homeless youth in New York because she felt bad that New York had this problem.

Then she found a link to our program and felt she just had to call because...it just coulld not be true that there were youth living on the streets so close to home. She seemed like she sincerely wanted to help and was very genuine in her desire to jump in and do something. It was a great opportunity to educate her on homeless issues in Salt Lake County and specifically with youth.

So just in case you didn't know...

There are youth that are homeless in Utah.

It is an issue that belongs to all of us...and will affect everyone regardless of whether "we" know about it or not.

What really shocked me about the call was... the fact that she was so shocked.

Individuals that are experiencing homelessness..are not invisible. Their stories are covered in the news and in the papers. All you need to do is take a walk to the nearest mall, library, bus stop, shelter etc. and you will find them. The question is ...now that "we" know the problem exists...what are "we" going to do about it?

April Fools Day

So at the end of a very long week...at about 5:00pm on Friday I walked into my office and found this hotdog guy as well as 4 others sitting around my office hanging out. My staff had done this for me...and for some reason...it made me very happy...and a little grossed out. It was probably the best April Fools moment I've had in a long time.

Kites, Swings, & Confidence...

Today was a perfect day to fly a kite. Unfortunately I do not at this time own a kite, but I did get to go out to Sugarhouse park and hang out there after work. Which is where I located a swing!!! So I did the obvious... I swinged? swung? How ever you say it....thats what I did :) It made me extreamly happy! Some may say that it's childish or immature to do something like that...but who really cares what those people say.

I think at times because of the way we would like our friends, family, or acquaintances to perceive us, or maybe because of the positions or roles that we have...we set these parameters on what is acceptable behavior. Which is a good thing...strong boundaries are important and helpful, but I think there are times when in all of the rules that we set up for ourselves for whatever reason

...if we're not careful...we can lose vital pieces of who we are... that make us unique.

I was talking to a friend today and she said that she had tried to blend in with her other friends growing up and that she suppressed pieces of herself to fit in...then she said something that really hit me...

"I tried so hard to blend in and was miserable about doing it, but I realized that I was meant to stand out".

She didn't say it in a cocky way at all...she was just stating her truth.

I respect that.

She is confident in who she is. I waver on this sometimes..I'm not exactly sure why. A part of it may be my upbringing, but at some point everyone needs to step out of whatever shadow they've been behind and confidently come into their own.

I think at times I saw my own confidence as conceit...and I worried about feeling self-important, being self absorbed, and oblivious to the source of all I've been blessed with. I realize now that I can remedy that by always remaining grateful..and aknowledging the Lords hand in my life as well as being the source of all that is good.

So I am going to do my best to be confident in who I am and the direction I am going in and if that includes a little kite flying and swinging then so be it :)

The Widows Mite...

A man came by my work today and donated a loaf of bread and some milk. I know this man. He is homeless and is struggling with addiction yet with what little he had he saw someone that might need it more than him. He said he wanted to "help the kids".

It was the "widows mite".

He gave it freely and without hesitation. It reaffirms my hope and faith in the human spirit. It also makes it evident to me that we all can do our part in helping someone else that might be in need. What an amazing example of charity.

..the sun..

THE SPIRAL JETTY

I woke up and the day was gray...and my heart was heavy with things that I knew had to be done today. It started with me going to court to support someone who needed to be there. I don't like court. Many people that came out of the court rooms were either crying or pissed. I didn't like the vibe of the place. I walked away with my heart heavier than before. Then I came back to work and needed to talk to some staff about their concerns. I listened and hopefully they felt heard. I really do have an amazing staff...but felt tired and drained soon after meeting with everyone.

Then I walked outside...and for a little while the sky was blue and the sun was shining. My heart and my environment had been gray the entire day...but that had all changed when I went outside and felt the warmth of the sun on my face. I felt whole and healed and loved.

I'm grateful for God, the gospel, His creations, the mountains, the sun, hope, music, laughter, good friends and family...and everything else that makes me happy.

...blank pages...

I walked all over the city of San Francisco yesterday. Well maybe not all over...but a fair amount of downtown SF. It was overcast all day but it was nice...I find that I am more present when the weather is bad...then when it is sunny and beautiful. Probably because when the sun is out and the sky is blue...my thoughts turn to other locations and times I've been in. So yesterday I was keenly aware of my surroundings and the strangers that inhabited my space.

I like meeting new people. Everyone has a story and I think it's pretty facinating to hear others experiences and what they have done with their lot in life.

Most peoples stories are a mix of many different kinds of experiences, some are sad, humourous, exciting, boring..or even dramatic. I was walking by all these people milling around the streets of San Francisco wondering how their experience has been thus far..how they feel about their journey....and their quality of life. Would they change things?...or do they feel it's too late. Then of course my thoughts turned to my own jouney.

As far as stories go...mine has been interesting. There have been some twists and turns...blessing beyond measure, heart breaks and triumphs...but that is my past..those experiences can never be changed...So the question of the hour is,

"What will I choose to be written on the blank pages ahead of me?"