...imprinted on my heart...

This past week has been pretty crazy for me. I had been waiting to hear if I got into grad school...and finally found out that ...I did not get in this year...It was a little hard to digest because grad school was the whole reason I came to Utah...at least that is what I thought...a friend of mine said "when a door closes a window opens"...now as corny as that may sound it definitely was true in this case because the next day I was offered a wonderful yet challenging position in my agency. I initially asked for a few hours to make a decision...but in my heart I knew that the decision was already made. I was pretty emotional about it. You know right after I interviewed for the position I walked out of there...extremely sad. Not sad because I bombed the interview...but sad because I felt I might actually have a shot at it. It made me think of all the staff at detox how they have become more like family to me. Then I thought about all my clients.. When I would work with them I would think about my mom..and all the trials that she went through in her life...Their faces and hers...are imprinted on my heart.

Though my mom did not have substance abuse addictions she did have mental health issues and someone or a bunch of someones took the time to help her...that warms my heart every time I think about it...and it makes it even more important for me to work hard for my clients. I will miss them all. In my new position I will be working with homeless youth. I am excited about this new position and will work just as hard for this program as I did for detox. I am grateful for all the people that I have met and all the experiences that I have had at detox. It has only made me a better person. Leaving detox is a bit scary...it feels like I'm leaving home and going off on my own again. I know that might sound a bit melodramatic..but it does feel like that.

I wish my mom was here to help me navigate through all these crazy life choices...you know sometimes a girl just needs her mother. I wonder if she would be happy with the life I am living and the paths I have taken..I wonder what kind of advice she would have given me. I know without a doubt..no matter what my choices are..that my mom would've supported me and loved me if she were here.
Actually I think she would've told me to cut the tears, fix my face, and get to work.
She did everything she could for her children..despite all the pain she went through with my dad ...that didn't stop her from sacrificing whatever she needed to to provide for us kids ...she worked, took care of us, and made sure we were happy...her needs always came second. I am so grateful for her...her memory continues to be a source of inspiration to me....and I know if I strive to work as hard as my mom did...in whatever I choose to do ..I'll be successful. Seriously, I would be lucky to be half the woman she was.