Last year I was the heaviest I have ever been.. I have pictures that I can barely look at..I remember feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin...a prison of my own making..the despair that comes when you, for the moment, don't see a way out..is depressing and soul destroying. There are tons of excuses I can use to rationalize letting myself go...we can talk about my ancestry ...my dysfunctional family experiences...my past issues...my loss...my big bones :)..but what it comes down to is ...my choice. So I spent many a year thinking about changing, trying and failing to change, and digging my way through a bucket of vanilla ice cream and a bag of Cheetos before I start "tomorrow". My yesterday is hard to revisit...but the memory of feeling so defeated is clear and is easy to recall...but today I choose to see the little successes that I am making...I choose to see myself clearer...I am beautiful..I am worthy...I am enough...I am intelligent. My past is my past...Every choice I make today will decide my future.
And I choose to have a happy future.
I am now healthier than I have been in a while..but more so I am just happy to be me. I am blessed with wonderful friends, I still have my dysfunctionally wonderful family and they love me and my quirkiness, I have a wonderful job, and a faith that strengthens and uplifts me everyday. I am not my weight..the number on the scale does not define the person that I am...it is just a part of me ...a very small part.
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