So just recently I was talking to a friend about me moving...he says I have a difficult time asking for help...this is true. So anyways he gave me a hard time about it so I txt him about helping me. I got no response but that is not really a surprise...this friend doesn't seem to txt much...at least not as much as me. So the next time I saw him I said "So did you get my txt about helping me move?" He said he did and asked a couple of questions why I was leaving my place...and then a little bit after said. "I'm sure a lot of guys in the ward would help you move".
So this statement to any normal person wouldn't really mean much. I'm sure most people wouldn't even think twice about this; my brain works a little differently...because what I heard was "I'm sure other people would be willing to help you because I really don't want to".
(Again please note that...I have a difficult time asking for help)
So most of the time if I am asking for something for myself...I'll probably apologize a million times..then ask only once. If I feel there was any reluctance...whether in the tone of your voice or a facial expression that passes your face even for a brief second...I will find some other way to get whatever I need... done. Regardless of whether you have committed to help me or not. I just feel a lot of shame when I assume that I have put someone out.
So for instance my friend who said he would help me, would have probably heard one of these two excuses before moving day
1 "Hey so I got a bunch of people to come and help so you don't need to worry but thanks so much for being willing"
2."I was able to move in sooner so I got some friends to help with the move so you don't have to worry about it"
yeah I know it's dishonest and I really try not to go there...but I think sometimes my shame outweighs my judgement...Fortunately for me he asked me again about moving and asked why I didn't tell him. So I decided to just tell him that he seemed reluctant..he told me the only reluctance was in my head :) Which though hard to hear ....I knew was true.
So it is now 8:40pm and I need help. I forgot I needed to purchase a bed before my move and have not had time to do it. So I finally find one but I would need to get it tonight at 10:00pm in West Valley. I have been feeling sick all day. I am congested, feel achy, and have a really bad headache... I know I need help. So I'm looking at contacts on my phone as to who I can call at this time to help me haul a bed to my place, and I just can't bring myself to inconvenience anyone. I would have been pissed if one of my friends or family didn't ask for my help when they needed something...but here I sit...looking at my phone knowing I won't call anyone...and now trying to figure out where to get some rope so I can go get my bed.
