I was talking to two of my nieces last night over the phone. Iree is 13 and Vicky is 8. They have a typical sibling relationship, they love each other one minute then annoy the heck out of each other the next. Last night when I was talking to Iree she was telling me about an argument that her and Vicky just had...it was the same argument I've been hearing from them since Vicky became old enough to help her sister with the chores...Iree needed help...and Vicky didn't want to help. So Iree proceeded to tell me the story..finally Vicky did get up to help her sister but Iree wasn't about to let her get away with all the back talk that apparently occurred... So Iree gave Vicky the silent treatment..which didn't sit well with Vicky so she started to apologize to Iree...which Iree was not having...In Iree's words this is what happened, "She kept saying sorry and I told her I was not ready to forgive her, then Vicky said "Come on Iree it's been 10 minutes can you just forgive me because I want to go watch my tv show" That had me laughing. So then Miss Vicky gets on the phone and proceeds to tell me her side of the story...but she doesn't try to defend herself...she admits to talking back and giving Iree a hard time...then she asked me a question in such a serious voice. She asked, "Aunty do you think I need to talk to somebody about my madness?" She was so sincere and seemed so earnest it just broke my heart so instead of giving her a hard time about talking back to Iree I told her that when she feels angry or "madness", instead of blurting something out that could hurt her sister she should first count to ten or sing a primary song in her head to calm herself down. She seemed excited to try it out and told me that she would keep me posted on how it helped her.
This talk got me thinking about my own ways of dealing with anger or being hurt....it's easy to lash out ..or lash back ..it's easy for the split second it takes to hurt someone, sometimes all it takes is a few words that could potentially ruin a friendship, or relationship. But was it worth it? Sometimes the situation isn't as it appears, or maybe we don't know the whole story or maybe you don't realize what the other person is going through at the time...and yet you lash out anyway..for me the guilt that comes afterward from hurting someone can last past any memory of the event....and in some instances no amount of "I'm sorry's" can erase the hurt and damage you have caused. I've learned this lesson the hard way in the past and I really try not to say or do anything that can hurt someones feelings even if at the time I feel they are deserving of it. I am so proud of my nieces for trying to learn this lesson early on in their lives.
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