Picture Perfect

I JUST WANT TO PREFACE THIS NEXT ENTRY AND SAY THAT THIS WAS HARD TO WRITE BUT HARDER TO ACTUALLY RELEASE INTO CYBERLAND...EVERYTHING I HAVE WRITTEN IN MY BLOGS HAVE BEEN FROM MY HEART...IT IS MY TRUTH....EXACTLY WHAT I AM FEELING AT THE TIME.

I saw a few pictures of me today...that I hated....I totally hated it. I look terrible and I kept thinking ..who is that? and what made me think I deserve to be with anyone looking like that? What in my mind said that you can deserve someone looking like that? Who would want to be with what is in that picture? What have you done to yourself?...and what are you doing to improve that?...Who would be attracted to that person?...and why have I not seen myself clearly all this time? Who would want to be with me?..... I hate what I look like. I hate it. Any self esteem I had this morning disintegrated in a matter of seconds. I know it ain't all about looks and that I am a good person with a winning personality...blah blah blah..but that doesn't help much when you feel like crap.
But you know what? I don't like whiners...they get on my last nerves. Actually no, correction they fricken jump on my last nerve....So I'm going to do the only thing I can....pray to love myself regardless of that picture...and get my arse to the gym. If I don't like something about myself ..then I need to change it...(Now If I can only find a hottie sheriff with his own cabin in the mountains like Jill Scott did in Why did I get married?:))

This initially was only for my brother to read....and then I thought..maybe someone can get something positive out of this. For me I have the power to change my situation..So I'm going to do it.