It is better to have loved and lost...

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." - Tennyson

On May 4th marked the anniversary of Kona's death. Vaikona Liufau Tuifua died at the age of 20. He was in the Missionary Training Center at the time. Him and two other missionaries decided to climb Rock Canyon (Behind the Provo Temple). From what his companion told me after it happened...they were about half way up (400 ft)and Kona was getting tired. So they rested on a ledge for a bit. Kona(being from Hawaii)wasn't use to the altitude and so he decided to not go any furthur. His companion and the other missionary decided to go the rest of the way but told Kona not to go down by himself but to wait for them. The last time they saw him he was taking pictures close to the end of the ledge. When they reached the top they heard sirens coming near the mountains. They were worried and started to climb down when they heard their names being called over a loud speaker. When they reached the bottom they were told that Kona had fallen. Another missionary that was close to the bottom had seen someone fall and hit the canyon floor then went to get help. Kona died instantly.

We had been dating for about a year, we had our ups and downs but I loved him very much and we had decided that we would be married when we got back from our missions. Unfortunately things don't always work out the way we plan. I was in Chicago, Illinois at the time serving a mission. That whole day I was pretty meloncholy without knowing why. We had some kind of dinner at the chaple that night where alot of the other missionaries would be at. I always loved these events because we got to see how everyone was doing. But that night inparticular I remember my heart being heavy. All the other missionaries were talking and laughing, but I couldn't be around them. So I walked into the chapel. All the lights were off except for a spot light on the piano. I walked over there and sat on the bench and flipped to some of my favorite songs "Where Can I turn for Peace?", "Abide With Me tis even' tide", and "I need the every hour"...and I sang them.... every word, every line, every verse...and my heart got lighter for a minute...and I knew though I wasn't sure why I was feeling down but I knew things would be okay.

When we got home we usually would be asleep by 930pm....but for some reason we all stayed up. We lived in this roach infested ghetto apartment on the West Side of the city. It was one room but 3 sets of missionaries lived there. It was about 11:30pm when the phone rang. I answered the phone and I heard a familiar voice. It was Nuku one of Konas best friends who was in Hawaii. I was so excited to hear his voice that I didn't realize he was crying. Finally he gave the phone to his sister Pua and she said, "I have to give you some bad news, Kona died today" She proceeded to try and tell me what had happened ...but I don't even remember how I got off the phone with her. I don't know how to describe that kind of pain...It was a physical pain...it was a void in my heart...I was empty. Our future was entwined...and imagining my life without him...was inconceivable at the time. Thinking about never being able to talk to him or hear his laugh destroyed me for a bit...but my mind kept going back to when I was sitting in the chaple singing...and the feeling that things would be okay.

Losing someone you love is probably one of the hardest things we will go through in this life...but I know the Lord is mindful of me and has me in His hands. I can now talk about him with a smile on my face...and think about the fun times that we had with a happy heart. I have dreams of him sometimes....most of the time it makes me happy to feel that he is looking in on me. It's been quite a few years since he has passed and I am still grateful everyday that I was blessed for the time we had together. I still haven't found anyone else yet....but I will forever be grateful for the chance that I had to love him.