What do you see when you look at me?

Heve you looked out your window this morning? Well if you are living in Salt Lake or the surrounding areas...if you took the time to go outside...you'll see what I saw. A BEAUTIFUL DAY!! The sky is blue, the sun is out and it feels like Bay weather...nice and cool. I stood outside for a minute and an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude filled my heart. I thought about all my blessings..my faith, my family, my friends, my job, my health etc...I could supply you with a whole list if you have the time. I'm humbled that the Lord has blessed me so so so much...and don't get it twisted I don't attribute anything I have, anything I've been blessed with, any person that I have been blessed to have in my life to anything but the Lord. You know actually if someone who didn't know me looked at me....they actually might see the total opposite. They might see a 30+, single, woman with not many accomplishments in a job that might not pay much, with minimal education, whose come from a dysfunctional family..(wow that's a little depressing when you look at it like that lol)...But the point is I don't. I have been blessed with the most down to earth real family who keep me in line and love me despite how quirky and weird I can be. I am blessed with a job that gives me the opprotunity to work with people who need someone who can see some hope in any situation...which I really try to do...not only at work but in my personal life. I am blessed with friends new and old...who I know love me and who I know I can turn to if I ever needed anything. I have been blessed with a knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father who loves me and who I know wants me to be happy...despite all the mistakes of my past, despite all my flaws, despite all my short comings. I know this is true for all of us. Feel loved today my beautiful friends and family. My heart is overflowing with love for all of you!!!

...stepping away..

This past week and a half has been difficult for me....but today for some reason I feel better. More optimistic with more hope that all will be okay. A friend of mine last week told me that I can't control what others do or their reaction to things...and for some reason it didn't click until now. I'm a fixer by nature...so sitting back and just letting things go has never been easy for me...I'm usually the kind of person that likes to put everything on the table so any misunderstandings can be squashed...but soemtimes the answer is to step away. I'm not a quitter so regardless of the situation especially if it has to do with people I care about I will fight to make things right...but...maybe that is not always the answer. So I'm going to take my friends advice...finally :) and take my cue from the serenity prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


Maybe the "wisdom" part is finally kicking in. Maybe this is just one of those things that I cannot change...

...a blessing

I just came back from a baby's blessing. My friend Becky, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Kingston Peniamina Brown. I listened as his father gave him his very first blessing...his words were humble, sincere, and heartfelt. Then he bore his testimony about family and his love for his own and of course his love for the Lord. It was beautiful and touching. The unconditional love of parents to their children is pretty awe inspiring.

A little Calvin & Hobbes....

...sometimes it's better to not say anything...

Why do people try and give advice to people who are grieving someone who has passed? My friend and I were talking about this the other night. She tragically lost her brother to gang violence two years ago..I have also lost people that I love...and we both agree that people say the stupidest things to those that have lost someone they love. For instance my friend David...actually he is more like a brother to me...we've gone through many similar trials he's been there for me through a lot of difficult times. His beautiful sister Teena passed away in a car accident at the age of 24. Now I'm not going to fully go into his family history but biologically he was Teena's first cousin but they had grown up as brother and sister. Anyway, after she had passed someone made this comment to him. "Well she wasn't your real sister so..." I forgot the rest of the sentence or maybe when David told me he left that part out...my hope is that David cracked him before he finished his sentence..But can you believe that!?! When Kona passed away (refer to earlier blog if you don't know who Kona is)I was serving a mission in Chicago and one of the missionaries ...I suppose in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere said this " Gosh I wonder what he was thinking when he fell...he was probably like "whoooooah" Splat!" She said it with hand gestures and everything. She said this to me the day after he passed. WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?!?

Granted I know it's hard when a friend or even a family member loses someone close to them...It's hard to know what to do or what to say. So let me give you the inside track on a couple things that you shouldn't do..

Don't say.."Don't cry you have to be strong for your family."
Are you freaken kidding me?! Here's my thought, crying over the death of someone you love is natural and also honors them. I mean not to get all scriptural but Jesus cried over Lazarus right before he raised him from the dead...now why would he do that? Well as our ultimate example maybe he's letting us know...it's okay to shed tears for those we love.

Don't....keep talking and saying things like.." They are in a better place.", " Well your a member...so that should give you comfort", and all that advice you think will help....Let me tell you right now.... all your words are falling on deaf ears.

Here's what you should do...Give them a hug, let them know you're there if they need anything....you can sit with them and let them talk about their loved one..or if you have stories about the loved one and your friend looks open to hearing them share those...but take your cue from them...also you should let them cry if they want...(whatever you do don't Shush them when they are crying...That's hella irritating!)...But other than that ...put your casserole, or jello, or whatever you brought by on the counter and shut your pie hole....okay I'm sorry that's a little mean...but pretty much true.

Nothing you could possibly say no matter how inspired you feel you are ...can help with the gaping hole that was ripped in their heart when their loved one died.

If you want to do something for them ...just be there...preferably with your mouth closed.