Disconnecting....

There is something refreshing about going away and unplugging...from your everyday life...of work, responsibilities and obligations..and just being in the moment. I just got back from Goblin Valley State Park. IT WAS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!! It really was like being a kid again..we spent most of the day climbing on weird rock formations and exploring. I know that must sound incredibly boring to some but I had such a great time. I was a little reluctant about going because of the fact that we would be camping overnight. Ever since I left Samoa I said I would NEVER EVER EVER on my own accord go camping, but it was SO MUCH FUN!! We roasted hot dogs and I had my very first S'more or is it shmore..whatever..the graham cracker, marshmallow, chocolate thing and it was WONDERFUL!!! We played...laughed a lot...talked..ate..took pictures ..and just hung out. There was no cell phone reception in the area, which actually was a good thing. Sometimes u just want to disconnect and go somewhere to clear ur head and to just be... present. It was nice to see families out enjoying the park. In the morning when we were breaking camp these 4 little boys were playing tag on the mountain. It was nice to see kids having fun without being totally focused on their ipod, or nintendo DS, or attached to a cell phone. They were playing tag...not as a app on their iphone..or on the wii...but they were playing real honest to goodness old fashion tag.

It really was an amazing trip...I can't wait to go again!!!

...CHOICE...

Last year I was the heaviest I have ever been.. I have pictures that I can barely look at..I remember feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin...a prison of my own making..the despair that comes when you, for the moment, don't see a way out..is depressing and soul destroying. There are tons of excuses I can use to rationalize letting myself go...we can talk about my ancestry ...my dysfunctional family experiences...my past issues...my loss...my big bones :)..but what it comes down to is ...my choice. So I spent many a year thinking about changing, trying and failing to change, and digging my way through a bucket of vanilla ice cream and a bag of Cheetos before I start "tomorrow". My yesterday is hard to revisit...but the memory of feeling so defeated is clear and is easy to recall...but today I choose to see the little successes that I am making...I choose to see myself clearer...I am beautiful..I am worthy...I am enough...I am intelligent. My past is my past...Every choice I make today will decide my future.

And I choose to have a happy future.

I am now healthier than I have been in a while..but more so I am just happy to be me. I am blessed with wonderful friends, I still have my dysfunctionally wonderful family and they love me and my quirkiness, I have a wonderful job, and a faith that strengthens and uplifts me everyday. I am not my weight..the number on the scale does not define the person that I am...it is just a part of me ...a very small part.